Emotional violence in families is a fairly common phenomenon. Emotional (psychological) violence is a form of influence on the partner’s emotions or psyche through intimidation, threats, insults, criticism, condemnation, and similar actions. According to most scientists, such actions should be regular. Many women identify this effect as the most painful side of relationships in a family or just with a partner, which creates a feeling of helplessness and depression.
Causes of emotional violence
Any actions have their reasons, as well as their consequences. Sometimes one of the factors listed below may act as a trigger, but their effect is most often observed in combination, which provokes the development of events according to a certain pattern. Most of the reasons have a direct relation to a male character. The key ones include:
- psychological weakness. The husband tries to assert himself due to the emotional and psychic tension to his wife.
- mental deviation. It manifests itself as narcissism, borderline states, sociopathy. The reason may be a real psychological trauma. Although not infrequently emotional abuse of women is carried out by quite well-to-do men with a happy childhood. There is a direct need for self-affirmation. Low self-esteem can contribute to psychological abuse of a partner.
- problems with communication. Lack of education or the inability to express one’s thoughts often do not allow one to achieve stability in family relationships with the help of words and ordinary communication.
- previous experience. The husband upbringing as a man in a specific environment can contribute to violence. It relates to either a negative or rude attitude. But also when he was brought up in permissiveness, exalting his obvious or imaginary values. As a result, a person feels his superiority over other people. Of course, the major role is played by the relations in the family, when he was still a child. After all, children tend to build their adult relationships in the image and likeness of their parents.
- self-realization at the expense of the victim. There is a plain desire for power in the family as well as uncertainty about the strength and stability of family relationships.
The main signs of emotional abuse in the family
There are quite a few signs of this type of impact. All of them can be divided into 3 large groups, which can also be described as forms of violence.
Verbal emotional aggression in the family
The main features include:
- criticism. A rough assessment of female shortcomings both in private and public surroundings. For example, offensive remarks about the complexion, manners of dressing up, mental abilities, and so on. Such statements may be accompanied by insults.
- contempt. Negative statements about her work, hobbies, beliefs, religious beliefs. A humiliating assessment of homework, childcare and other things.
- despotism. The man uses in communication an arrogant tone, instead of requests – orders and instructions.
- humiliation. Address a woman using offensive words. For example, “hey you …” or other statements of this kind. Permanent direct insults without any reason.
- verbal bullying. These could be threats of a ban on communicating with children, blows or other physical violence of a sexual nature against a woman or her relatives, including children. Quite often, emotional abuse is manifested in the fact that men threaten suicide.
All these actions, as a rule, have one specific goal: to cause resentment, irritation, and in some cases, guilt feelings in the victim.
Dominant behavior as emotional abuse
You can identify a male tyrant by the following signs in behavior towards your partner:
ban on communication. Deprivation of the opportunity to contact relatives, friends, work colleagues in your free time. The phone can be withdrawn in one way or another, creating obstacles to the use of other means of communication. For example, the Internet (Skype, social networks, etc.). A man can deprive his wife of the opportunity to use family or personal transport (take away driver license, keys, drain gasoline from a tank, and so on). Destruction or damage to property.
chasing. The range of actions depends on male technical and material possibilities. Starting from the banal checking of messages and the list of calls in the mobile, e-mail through normal access and ending with the use of such means as wiretapping, installing special software on a personal computer, tablet, smartphone. Closed circuit televisions can also be used. And even in special cases, the husband can hire people to monitor the behavior and communication of his wife away from home.
continuous presence. The husband does not leave his wife alone, all the time seeking to be with her. At the same time, it may just be silent and run its business. For example, read a book, chat by phone.
restriction on contact with the outside world. It happens that a husband establishes his dominance by prohibiting or by some other means preventing the woman from working, doing some kind of activity outside the home. In addition, the wife must obtain permission from her husband in order to leave the house for whatever needs.
a woman plays the role of breadwinner. There are situations when a wife should fully provide the family financially. The husband may not work or earn a minimum, but the number of reproaches and the rude attitude of him is observed constantly.
abstinence. One of the manifestations of dominant behavior can be considered a deliberate ignorance of the wife in sexual terms.
In addition to these signs of emotional violence, there may also be complete control over all financial issues. However, some specialists in psychology and family issues distinguish such behavior in a separate category – financial violence.
Other forms of emotional violence
Jealousy, which manifests itself in constant accusations of adultery. There will be a close connection between some signs of violent behavior from the first and second groups. Her husband strictly controls his wife’s contacts at work, her free time and even home activities. Often all these manifestations of behavior are completely groundless, the wife does not give a reason, but regularly hears accusations.
Some experts identify another form of impact on the psyche of a loved one, similar to the dominance – manipulation. This form of influence is milder, but it still has the same goal, characteristic of the previous three forms – the subordination of the feelings and actions of the wife to one’s own personal convictions. In this case, “quiet” emotional abuse occurs, it is difficult to recognize the signs.
The following features will indicate this:
- bragging. Self-praise of the husband and the appraisal of his qualities, achievements over those of his wife.
- oppression. Provocative feelings of guilt for the slightest mistake.
Despite the fact that in different situations almost every man can do any of the above, it is far from always that such actions can be described as emotional violence in relationships. Moreover, there are quite certain signs of a psychological abuser.
Category: General Issues
Tags: dating, sexual abuse