Women are not guilty of rape, and a woman doesn’t provoke a man to rape. He makes up his mind to commit a violent crime, and only he is responsible for it. However, there are several techniques that reduce the risk of rape. Sexual abuse counselors and experts give the following recommendations to women:
- You have the right to sexual boundaries and to report them to others. Before you go on a date or are engaged in any sexual activities with another person, set for yourself what you are willing to do and what you are willing to avoid. Tell your partner about it clearly. A man does not know how to read your mind, so you must inform them what is unacceptable to you. Do not let a man guess what you want. Learn to talk with your partner about sex so that any sexual activity will always be your mutual decision. You do not become “sexless” if you openly show an interest in sex. You do not become “not cool” if you clearly say that you are not interested. This is perfectly normal if you only want to kiss, or just kiss and allow him to touch your breast or something else, but it is not a sign you are ready for sexual intercourse.
- Demonstrate self-confidence. Forget cultural stereotypes that call for you to be gentle and flirty. Femininity does not mean passivity. Talk openly about what you want and what you feel. When you say no, rest should be assured that this is no. When you say yes, rest assured that this is what you really want. If you talk about your sexual boundaries but the man ignored them – act immediately. Tell him clearly that you are against such behavior. You can keep a friendly tone, but speak loudly and confidently. If he continued – start to show anger.
- Stay sober. You can control the situation only if you understand what is happening around. Most rapes occur when women are drunk or high. If you drink alcohol, drink moderately. When a man plans to rape a woman, he often actively treats her with beer, wine, or offers drugs that will cloud the mind or prevent her from resisting. Often, such men insistently offer women unfamiliar cocktails, because she does not know their composition and will not understand the taste. Do not make it easy for a rapist getting drunk. When the rapists are looking for another victim, they are consciously looking out for the drunkest women.
- Going on a first date with a man, try to learn about him as much as possible. The first date is better to be a double-date. Until you know this person well, try to choose a crowded, safe place for dates. Always agree in advance where the date will be held and what exactly you will do, then warn your relatives or girlfriend about where you are meeting. Never leave a party, a club or other place with a man you just met, no matter how respectable he may seem. If possible, try to learn about the new man as much as possible, including from those women who have met him before.
- Control the situation. On first dates, always pay for yourself (or share expenses, for example, if he paid for movie tickets, you pay for popcorn) so that the man could not convince himself that you had to “owe” something to him since he spent money. On the first date, try to determine the meeting place yourself, do not expect that the man will bring you home back.
- Plan your escape route. Let you have the phone of a relative or friend, whom you can ask to meet or pick you up from a date, even late at night. If possible, always take money with you for a taxi and the phone of a legal taxi company (avoid “private” taxi drivers). Always go on a date with a mobile phone over which you can call at any time.
- Learn to protect yourself. Do not expect any other people to protect you. Sign up for self-defense courses before the need arises. In many cities, you can find classes to overcome dangerous situations, confident behavior, protecting from a sudden attack.
- Trust your feelings. If you have doubts about a new friend, do not think that it is something wrong with you. Trust your intuition. Stay away from this person.
Category: General Issues
Tags: dating, sexual abuse